The Dreaded Car Ride Home
Dear parents:)
The sun is shining, summer is here, and hopefully you are enjoying some time off with your kids away from the rink. However, the more likely scenario is that the kids are coming out of spring hockey and jumping straight into summer teams, camps, and off ice training. This is the perpetual merry go round that seems good at first, but usually spins out of control in the end.
One of the other things that tends to happen along with this cycle, is that parents can get so eagerly supportive, that eventually it flips from support to push. This is actually a very common change of personality in parents with children in sports. I’ve seen first hand, totally normal, friendly, sane parents, turn into psycho hockey parents:) Then, as soon as they step out of the rink, they are normal again! It’s like the rink has this magical air that can turn even the most civil people into raving lunatics. I’m trying to be a little funny regarding this, but the truth is, that this actually does happen to the best of us.
I remember while I was still playing in my last few years, I was playing overseas while my wife and kids came home to White Rock, BC to get the boys situated into life back home. Our boys were really into hockey so we thought it best to get them into hockey in Canada. When I came home to visit that first year, I got to see the parents in full hockey parent mode. People I knew that were nice loving parents, and overall good people, had gone off the deep end at the rink:)
When I was at the rink, I would often get parents coming up to me and asking me questions about what they could do to improve their kid, figuring that I would know since I was a pro hockey player. This is what I would tell them and still preach this to this day…
The best environment you can put your child in is a place where they love being. Our role as a hockey parent should just be a parent. That means be a loving supporter. Let them learn and deal with all the ups and downs. You can be there for them, but don’t step in and fight for them. You are there to just watch and cheer them on. If you create an environment like this, they will thrive. If you push them, eventually you will push them away from the game because they will stop loving it.
I developed this belief from my own personal experience, and my parents had everything to do it. They are why I played pro hockey for 15 years, why I became a coach in the NHL, why I’m a good caring coach, and most importantly why I still love hockey to this day.
The funny thing is, they didn’t do much, but what they did was so important. They would take me to every practice and game and would just watch. Then after, they would be there for me with open arms regardless of how I did, and ask if I wanted to go to McDonald’s (prob not the best choice of food. haha).
What they didn’t do, ever, was bitch in front of me about how the coach should have played me instead of the other goalie, or give me the “Dreaded Car Ride Home Speech” on how I could have played harder, or analyse my game the whole ride home.
Some people believe that in creating a Tiger Woods, you have to be ultra demanding as a parent. But I believe whole heartedly that creating a healthy supportive environment is all we need to do, all we should do. In this space, your child’s love of the game is what is going to build their desire to improve and possibly in time, reach for the stars:)
Peace,
Dusty Imoo